Sometimes My Friends Are No Fun

I hate to sew.  I'll do almost anything to avoid sewing. A horrifying but true fact is that sometimes I run through the streets with my buttons all loose.

When I got invited to attend a sewing circle a few days before Valentine's Day, I was shocked. I thought it was public knowledge that I hate to sew. Why would they want to invite me? Yes, I'm popular and pretty blah blah blah. I wondered if they'd noticed my loose buttons and were staging an intervention. I almost said no, but then remembered that people who sew are often also bakers. The refreshments might be awesome. I decided to take the risk, even if it meant possibly returning home with my buttons re-attached. 

 When I got to the sewing circle the refreshments were indeed awesome, but the mood was very grim.

"What's going on?" I said. "Why all the long faces?"

"None of us have a date for Valentine's Day," said the hostess. She bowed her head and concentrated on her sewing.

"Then come to my party on Valentine's Day," I said. "There will be lots of people there without a date. We plan to get drunk and bake pornographic cookies. Then we'll call people on the phone to ask if their refrigerator is running. If they say yes we'll tell them to go catch it."

Everyone looked up from their sewing projects. Their expressions could best be described as quizzical.

"So, are any of you coming to my party?" I said.

All of them shook their heads.

"Sorry," said the hostess. "It sounds like fun but it's not my kind of thing."

Other voices chimed in. "Mine either." "Me too." "Thanks for thinking of me, though."

My feelings were hurt, but I strove to sound breezy and unconcerned. "It was only a suggestion. I'm just reminding you there are alternatives to being alone on Valentine's Day."

"Thank you for sharing, Nancy," the hostess said. "It's always good to know we have choices."

I decided to let the matter drop. If they thought it was better to be alone than to go to a drunken porno cookie party hosted by someone with loose buttons, that was their problem, not mine.

And on a More Serious note....

        As soon as people saw my latest painting,"Self-portrait as a Cupcake Decoration," the questions began. The first was from a quick-witted sophisticate who asked if I was gluten free. Other people inquired whether I was sweetened with corn syrup (possibly that was a reference to my sense of humor, but I can't say for sure). Someone worried that I was preserved with sulphur dioxide, since I look so young in the painting. It's just a matter of time before I get asked about GMOs, soy content, fair trade and sustainable farming.

      I'm the first to agree that my friends and fans are irreverent jokesters. That's why I adore them! But beneath their guffawings lies an undercurrent of seriousness. People are rightfully concerned about what they put into their bodies. Some have food allergies or sensitivities. Others worry about cancer and autoimmune disorders. There's growing awareness about the animal suffering humans cause in our pursuit of food and recreation. And then there's the piece about how greed and confusion is destroying the world as we know it.

    If you're looking for better ways to be a good citizen of the planet, you might want to stop by Instinct Gallery for one or both of the following events:

On Saturday February 6 from 2-3 p.m., Instinct Art Gallery is hosting an event, "Claim Humane Talking Circle".  After viewing the art of Sue Coe, the international animal rights activist sharing Instinct's walls with me during Unfiltered, AmyLeo Barankovich of Claim Humane will lead a talking-circle about how Coe's images affect us.

To find out more about the Claim Humane Event event click HERE                       

To find out more about Claim Humane, click HERE                                   

On Saturday, February 20 from 4-6 p.m., Instinct Gallery is hosting an Animal Rights Coalition Social Event. There will be violin music, hors d'oeuvres, and a chance to meet the people behind ARC.

To find out more about the Animal Rights Coalition event, click HERE.

Instinct Art Gallery is located at 940 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis MN 55403. Their phone number is 612-208-0696

THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE

Thanks to everyone who attended my art opening last night! To those of you who didn't make it to the event, here some FAQs about how it went:

Q. Were there lots of people at the opening?

A. Yes.

 Q. Were any of them important?'

A. Yes.

Q. How much art did you sell?

 A. The numbers aren't all in yet.

Q. Were any good-looking men there?

A. Omigod yes!  The place was packed with them! 

Q. What did you wear?

 A. I wore a party dress from the Macy's teen department with a teeny tutu-like chiffon skirt.  One guy said it looked like I was wearing a figure skating outfit. He said I should go to the Xcel Center and see if they'd let me compete in the ice skating contests. I seriously thought about doing that after the opening. See, I've been watching an old movie, The Wedding Crashers, and I've learned all these rules about being an event crasher. It would be fun to use the rules to try to pass myself off as an ice skater. I didn't have any figure skates with me, but I was wearing these pointy shoes with slippery soles and I could skid around on the ice and nobody would ever notice the difference.

Q. Well, you certainly have a lot to say about your outfit! But let's get back to your art career. How did it feel to have all those new paintings on display for the first time in public?

A. It felt like I was giving birth while hundreds of people watched.

Q. Gee, it sounds exciting! I wish I'd been there. When is your next art opening?

A. I'll keep you posted.

Unfiltered: The Art of Sue Coe, Nancy Robinson, and the Guerrilla Girls

Exhibition Run: January 23 - March 12, 2016. 

Opening Reception: Saturday, January 23, 6-8pm

To read the press release, click HERE.

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Special Event: Thursday, February 4, 4-8 p.m. Minneapolis Gallery Crawl. To find out more, click HERE.

Special Event:  Saturday, February 6, 2-3 p.m. Claim Humane Talking Circle. To find out more, click HERE.

Special Event: Saturday February 20, 4-6 p.m. Animal Rights Coalition Social Event. To find out more, click HERE.

______________________________________________

 SPECIAL EVENT: Saturday, March 5,  6 - 7:30pm

  Robyne Robinson and Nancy Robinson in Conversation

To find out more, click HERE.

_____________________________________________

Gallery Hours: Tuesday - Saturday, 12-5pm
Instinct Art Gallery
940 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis, MN 55403
612.208.0696/ instinctmpls.com
facebook.com/instinctartmpls
twitter: @instinctMPLS
instagram: instinctmpls

Pictured art: Nancy Robinson, Bubblehead/ Sue Coe, Animal Farm/ Nancy Robinson, Triple Self Portrait

Don't Look Before You Leap

I went shopping for a button last week. The button had to be two inches in diameter, match my sparkly party sweater, represent death and rebirth, and cost $7.99 or less.

Shopping within these guidelines proved daunting.  To boost my spirits, I went to the candy counter at the front of the button store and bought a handmade caramel. I popped it into my mouth, waited for it to moisten in the warm bath of my saliva, and bit down hard. The action temporarily cemented my teeth together.

The next thing I knew, a woman walked up to me and said, "Hi. You probably don't remember me, but we met at one of your art openings."

 I nodded a mute hello.

"I love your paintings," she said. "When's your next show?"

I held up my hand while I chewed and swallowed. "It opens January 23 at Instinct Art Gallery."

"Where's that?"

"In Minneapolis. On 9th and Nicollet." I leaned against the button counter. "I'm really excited about the show. It's me, Sue Coe and the Guerrilla Girls."

"Sue Coe?" she said. "That name sounds familiar."

"She's an internationally-famous English artist," I said. "She's also one of my early heroes."

"I see."

I leaned forward and assumed a story-telling stance. "Sue Coe's work is brilliant, edgy and confrontational. She was a role model for me as a young artist because of her bravery and artistic excellence." I stood up and flexed my arms. "In the 1980's I went to an art opening in L.A. and saw some of her work. It was stunning. I said to myself 'If I ever get to be in a show with Sue Coe, I'll know I've somehow arrived.'"

The woman's face, which was frozen into a stunned and respectful smile, suddenly brightened. "Sounds like now you can cross one more item off your bucket list."

"Excuse me?" I said.

"'I've been crossing items off my bucket list too." she said. "Like, I always wanted to visit the Grand Canyon, so last summer I went there with my family."

"Congratulations," I said.

"What's the next item on your bucket list?' she said. "Mine is to drink champagne in a gondola under the moonlight."

"I don't have a bucket list," I said.

"Then the first item on your bucket list should be to make a bucket list," she said. "Otherwise things could really get out of control."

"Thanks for the warning," I said.  I smiled and left the store without buying a button.

FYI: I have no intention of ever making a bucket list.

Hang on to your hats.

UNFILTERED
Sue Coe, Nancy Robinson, and the Guerrilla Girls
Opening Reception: Saturday, January 23, 6-8pm
Exhibition Run: January 23 - March 12, 2016
This is a Guerrilla Girls Twin Cities Takeover Satellite Event

Special Event: Saturday, March 5 / 6 - 7:30pm
Robyne Robinson and Nancy Robinson in Conversation

To read the press release, go to http://www.instinctmpls.com/upcoming/

Gallery Hours: Tuesday - Saturday,  12-5pm
Instinct Art Gallery
940 Nicollet Mall / Minneapolis, MN 55403
612.208.0696 / instinctmpls.com
facebook.com/instinctartmpls
twitter: @instinctMPLS
instagram: instinctmpls

Pictured art: Sue Coe, Animal Farm/ Nancy Robinson, Triple Self Portrait

Whine, Whine, Whine

Some of my friends love to complain about their problems but never do what it takes to solve them. For example, my friend Lulubelle (not her real name) dumped a dilemma in my lap this morning, and when I came up with the perfect solution she flat-out rejected it.

It all started when my phone rang. As soon as I saw Lulubelle on the caller-ID, I put on my thinking cap. She only calls me when she needs help with something.

"Hi, Lulubelle."

Her voice was petulant. "I don't know what to get my sister for Christmas."

 Since I've never met Lulubelle's sister, who lives in NYC and refuses to visit the Midwest under any circumstances, I suggested the first thing which popped into my head."Give her money."

"I can't afford to give her enough money to make her think it was worth it. Plus, money doesn't fit into the guidelines she makes me follow."

"And what are those?"

"It can't involve the killing of animals, cause her to gain weight, have a large carbon footprint, have anything to do with politics or religion...and it has to be so unique that none of her other friends got anything like it for a gift."

Light bulbs went off over my head. "I have an idea. Give her a subscription to my blog."

"You have a blog?"

"Yup," I said. "I've been posting on it twice a month for over year."

Lulubelle's tone was subdued but interested. "How much does it cost?"

"It's free!"

 "Great. So how can I get her a subscription?"

"Well, technically you can't get one for her," I said. "She has to get it for herself. "

"Get it for herself?"

"Don't worry: it's super easy. Just tell her to go to nancyrobinson.com/blog, click on the 'Subscribe' button in the upper left corner and follow the instructions on how to sign up."

"I dunno, " Lulubelle said. "My sister is really picky. What if she hates your blog?"

"She might at first, but I'm sure it will grow on her. " I said. "It will be like a stray animal which shows up on her doorstep every couple of weeks, begging her for kindness and love."

Lulubelle was silent for a moment. Then she spoke slowly and cautiously. "No offense, but that's not a very good idea for a Christmas present for my sister."

"Okay. Well good luck and happy holidays." I hung up the phone hard.

I wish she'd stop calling me. I'm tired of her tossing aside my brilliant ideas as if they were ratty old Christmas tinsel, all sparkle but no relevance.