A Day in the Life of a Serious Artist

It all started when I ran to the grocery store to buy the biggest chocolate Easter rabbit I could find. I wanted the chocolate rabbit to give to a friend of mine as an Easter gift. The only rabbit I could find was three feet tall, which wasn’t as big as I was looking for. I wanted a six-foot chocolate rabbit, or actually 6’7” so it would be taller than my friend. Still, I bought the 3 -foot chocolate rabbit and put it in my cart. Then my eyes were caught by an impulse item, one of those eggs which hatch when you put it in water. I returned to the cashier and bought the little egg.

I forgot about the egg until two days later, when I was engrossed in launching ships into the art world. By “launching ships” I mean sending out work samples of my art along with pitch letters, query letters, completed grant applications, etc etc. Launching ships into the art world is considered a masochistic endeavor by many artists, and indeed it kind of is, but sometimes the ships return laden with prizes and money! And yes, although sometimes they sink, I love the fact that underwater sea creatures then get to enjoy my art.

Since launching ships can be a bit of a burnout, even for me, I took a lot of teeny breaks. During one of those breaks I remembered about the little egg and decided to put it in a goldfish bowl and hatch it. Please do not be horrified…no goldfish were harmed, only the giant rubber bands which I usually store in the goldfish bowl but dumped out in order to fill the fishbowl with enough water to accommodate the hatching of the egg.

An hour later, the little creature hadn’t hatched. I tried to read the instructions, but the price tag obscured them. Suddenly I worried I’d drowned the creature, so I cracked open the egg to save the creature’s life, which was of course ridiculous because it wasn’t really alive, only a tiny bit of plastic with the face of an angel or cupid or something. After my relief at saving the creature’s life had waned, even though I didn’t really save its life, I realized the egg hadn’t hatched by itself, and that might be a bad sign regarding my ship-launching.

But then I checked my horoscope and it said that my astrological sun sign is very dynamic and known for taking the initiative and making things happen. Which was a good sign regarding my ship-launching. However, my horoscope noted that my rising sign dislikes chaos, and my moon sign is a dreamy procrastinator, so I realized that even if all my ships returned laden with career gems, the path to success would still be fraught with peril.

At this point I realized I couldn’t figure anything out, so I decided I may as well give up and go paint.

And that is how I became a serious artist.