Sometimes I find myself very annoying. Such as this morning at 4 a.m.

 I was sleeping quite soundly (dreaming of sunshine and lollipops and toyboys) when suddenly...I woke myself up.

"Go away," I said to myself. "I'm sleeping."

"I know, but I need to talk to you," I replied.

I kept my eyes closed, feigning sleep, but it didn't work. I kept on talking to myself. Finally I sat upright in bed. "What do you want?"

"I want you to read the short story I wrote last night," I said. "I don't know if it's any good."

"Okay. I'll give it a read." I got out of bed, sat down at a table, and quietly read the story. When I finished, I put down the manuscript and stretched my arms over my head. "Nice work. It's a cute story. I like the way global warming is described through the eyes of a bumble bee."

"I did that because a bumble bee has multiple eyes, and global warming is a complicated issue." The excitement in my voice was palpable.

"Yes, I got that," I said.

"Did you like the plot? " I said. "I storyboarded the hell out of it beforehand."

"The plot is great." I stood up and paced back and forth. "But I don't think 'It was a dark and stormy night' is a good opening sentence."

I sat down at the table and leaned forward, shaking my head in protest. "But it matches the title".

"The opening sentence doesn't have to match the title," I said.

I folded my arms. "Mine always do. It's the way I stand out from the other writers."

"When did you decide that?" I said.

"Just now," I said.

"Well, then you'll have to change the title too," I said.

"Why?" I said.

"Because I read somewhere that a short story should never begin with a description of the weather," I said. "That's the kind of dumb mistake amateur writers make."

"It wasn't a description of the weather," I said."It was description of the apocalypse."

"Good point," I said. "But since the bumblebees rescue everyone in the end, it's technically not the apocalypse."

"Okay, I'll change it so everybody dies in the end, including the bumblebees," I said.

"But then what are we left with, if everybody's dead?" I said.

"We're left with a dark and stormy night," I said. "Everything will come full circle."

 "Now, that would be a great story," I said. "Nobody ever wins against a circle."